It's because my mind hates me and can't stay put on one topic long enough to write a decent blog entry.
See, a blog is a lot like a diary. Except people can read it and judge you on it. I kept diaries allll the time when I was younger (which was an idiot move because someone decided to read them and make my life miserable for a while), so I figured a blog would just come naturally to me. But it didn't. Because, you see, nobody is meant to see your diary. Ever. Ahem. Hint. Obviously, though, people are supposed to read your blog. And analyze or something. And if it's deep enough, let it touch them and apply it to their lives in the future. Blech. When I think about it that way, cynic that I am, it's pretty egotistical to have a blog. "See, everyone! Look what deep thoughts I think! Look at this beautiful truth I discovered about life that I want all of you to ooh and ahh and fawn over me for. Check out this picture of a piece of a sunrise I took that TOTALLY explains the meaning of life!"
Oftentimes, my thoughts are not nice. They aren't deep. I can't tell you how to live your life. I don't have secrets to marriage or child rearing or going to school, or how to put all three together and still have time to sleep at night. I'm not a magic recipe machine, so I can't do one of those awesome cooking blogs. I'm not a photographer. Heck, I didn't even make it into nursing school this time around. Nothing exciting is happening in my life right now. So...what do I blog about?
I feel like your blog is supposed to make a point. As in ONE point. Get ONE message across. Or you can just ramble like I am now, and people just go away from it confused and probably a little annoyed.
So, since I want to commit to blogging at least once...in a while on a fairly regular basis, I figured I shouldn't let a whole lot of time pass before I wrote another one. I'm going to try to hit a happy medium between touching on everything that's been on my mind lately and keeping my wandering thoughts short enough to be palatable. Here goes:
- I'm pissed that I didn't get into nursing school. Like...really mad. I know God has a plan for me that's way better than anything I could ever put together for myself, and that if I don't go through this part of His plan, I won't become exactly the person He wants me to be. But I'm still annoyed. I want to be a nurse now.
- I'm upset that I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm way more upset that there's a good chance my next pregnancy will be enormously high risk, and that that fact is likely due to someone's mistake after Logan was born. We shall see. At the same time, though, it's kind of nice that I can have a "normal" 21st birthday celebration. And then when I think about it, I feel enormously guilty for having that thought. Upset, angry, excited, guilty. Awesome cycle.
- I need to run. I'm absolutely not wavering on my commitment to the half marathon in October this time, and I need to train. I've been way too lazy.
- My hair is at an awkward length for its style and it's bothering me.
- I need to clean my house and do laundry or I will absolutely lose my mind. I can't stand the clutter.
And with that gem of an entry, folks, I need sleep. Deep, glorious sleep. Right now.
- K
I'm sorry you didn't get into nursing school this time, but no matter what, don't get frustrated and give up. You have your own plan now on what you're going to work on to get in, and it's going to make it that much more of a triumph when you get than acceptance letter.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened after Logan was born that can effect your fertility now? I haven't lost a pregnancy, but I kind of came close last week. It's something so devastating to go through when you're eagerly awaiting your little one's arrival. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but (in my non-medical opinion) I think of the fact that you've had one healthy baby boy, and I believe you'll be able to have another healthy little one as soon as you're ready to try again. One of my closest friends from Chicago struggled through THREE miscarriages before having her baby boy. I'm not sure I would have been strong enough to continue. Then, she lost another pregnancy before getting pregnant again and delivering her second. All she wants is to be a mother, and she got it.
What happened was that I'm Rh negative, so I got the RhoGAM shot when I was pregnant like I was supposed to. After Logan was born, they told me he had the same blood type as me (B-), so he was also Rh negative, and therefore I didn't need the shot again. When I was at the hospital for the miscarriage, they already knew I was negative, so they knew they had to give me the shot again. They took my blood to make sure everything was ok. Then they came back and asked for another draw because they saw something "kind of weird" and they wanted to make sure they saw it right.
ReplyDeleteWhat they saw were the antibodies that an Rh negative mother makes, should her blood come into contact with an Rh POSITIVE baby's blood. If Logan's blood was actually the same type as mine, there is NO WAY I would have made those antibodies.
The only explanations are:
1. They didn't check Logan's blood at the hospital after he was born. They accidentally checked MINE twice, and Logan's actually Rh positive.
2. I've had a blood transfusion since I had him.
3. I'm an IV drug user and I used dirty needles.
4. I had a miscarriage that I didn't know about. I thought that was highly possible, but then the doctor explained to me that there's no way the baby would have enough blood to interact with mine until at least 12 weeks gestation.
Needless to say, the doctors are stumped. The threat this poses to future pregnancies is what worries them. If I conceive an Rh positive baby, my antibodies can attack its blood. It can become anemic in the womb and actually need a transfusion while still in the womb. There's also a marked increase in the possibility that an Rh positive baby in this situation would be born as early as 24 or 26 weeks. Those risks go up with the antibody titer (the number of antibodies in my blood). Thankfully, though, we've checked with our own parents, and we have a 50/50 chance of having an Rh NEGATIVE baby, which would present absolutely no threat to myself or the child. We're hoping that my antibody titer is LOW when they go to check it in August, but even more than that, we're DESPERATELY hoping for an Rh negative, complication-free pregnancy.
I've heard about that condition. I think my mom told me that my eldest aunt had that. I'm not sure of the details, but I do know she has two grown children!
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I'm O+ and didn't have to worry about that problem, but when I went to the ER last week, that was the first thing they checked for (my blood type), just to make sure.
Are you going to have Logan's blood retyped?
I'm glad your future baby will have a 50% chance of being Rh negative. When you get pregnant again, will they be able to tell, or would that require an amnio?
Yes, we're going to have his blood retyped a week from today. I swear, if they typed his blood wrong after he was born and it prevents us from having another child, I will seriously look at legal action. I would be CRUSHED if my antibody titer is high enough to make the risks outweigh the benefits. I can't even describe how badly we want another child.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't know how or if they can tell in utero what the baby's blood type is. I know that keeping the baby healthy in utero if the blood types were different required weekly amnios, but now they have a few different things they can do in that case. The biggest risk is hemolytic disease of the newborn. I'm still doing research on the risks of that. I'm terrified.
I just read your comment now (a month later). How did the blood typing go? Did the doctor talk to you more about the risks?
ReplyDeleteUgh...we're waiting for Andy's blood type results now, and Medicaid won't pay for Logan's blood to be re-typed at his age without a good reason. So we have to request his records be released from Ft. Carson, explain what we need done, submit it to whoever makes the decision, and then wait. All we really need to decide whether we're going to have another baby is Andy's blood type and to know how many antibodies are in my blood. Logan's blood is getting typed for legal reasons. We're going to come at them hard if they messed up Logan's blood work when he was born.
ReplyDeleteWill typing Andy's blood let you know the odds of another baby being rh+? I hope you hear good news because it would be sad to have to have medical circumstances dictate whether or not you can have another baby.
ReplyDelete