This. This is Marriage.

I miscarried a baby at 10 weeks in May.
The nurse who did my discharge paperwork at the hospital wasn't kidding when she said I'd "have some really intense mood swings" in the aftermath. Things at home are still recovering.

Not to mention Andy and I were together a year, got pregnant, lived together, had a baby, then got married.
We did it all backwards. So. There's that bonus.

We've now been married 9 1/2 months. We're still working out what it means to be sort-of-newlyweds and parents AND living farther away from my parents (our strongest supporters) than we ever have. It's complicated, to say the least.

I found this song (and I don't even remember how) when we were planning the wedding. I cry every single time I hear it, and the more I listen, the more I realize that it's truly marriage. Like...it's the way marriage really, actually works.

I may have been married less than a year, but Andy and I have been through a lot, so I think maybe I know a little of what I'm talking about. It sure as heck hasn't been a 9 1/2-month honeymoon.

So here it is. Please listen to it (through the link), because it's a thousand times better when you actually hear it.

Jaosn Mraz,  Beautiful Mess

You got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man and lift him back up again
You are strong, but you're needy
Humble but you're greedy

Based on your body language and shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective, but your mind is rather reckless
Well, I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve, you can call it fiction
'Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
'Cause here we are

Here we are

Although you are biased, I love your advice
Your comebacks, they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy
Depending on how you take these words
They're paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And it's a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades 
And the kind and courteous is a life, I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
'Cause here...here we are

Here we are...

We're still here

And what a beautiful mess it is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, not of this earth
And tides, they turn and hearts, disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's nice today


Oh, the wait was so worth it.